


as in love with you as i am

by situational_irony_13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Friends reference, Gen, Getting Together, Happy Ending (obviously), Might've taken some liberties, Minor tiny amounts of angst, Mostly Canon?, Mostly Lily POV, Quidditch, Rated T for swearing and one kiss scene, Sirius Lily friendship BC THEYRE SO CUTE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24382702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/situational_irony_13/pseuds/situational_irony_13
Summary: Lily puts herself back together again.Along the way, she makes some wonderful friends.Along the way, she falls in love.And so does he.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	as in love with you as i am

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long overdue birthday present for one of my best friends in the entire world. I love you so much, you've got no clue. I hope I did the pairing you love so much justice. 
> 
> To be fair, my friend did read it and sign off on it before I posted it. But I still hope that I did Lily and James justice. 
> 
> And, to be completely honest, this is kind of a new style I'm trying here. I hope it came out okay. 
> 
> Freshly edited, as promised. Like, a month late but finished nonetheless. 
> 
> All my love, and happy reading!

Lily just wanted a quiet 6th year. Just wanted to leave behind all of the things she thought she knew. As long as she didn’t hold on to anything, ingrain it into her being, nothing could betray her. Nothing could rip the ground out from under her.

No one would be able to hurt her again.

Lily figured the trick was not caring. If she didn’t care that Severus had hurt her, she wouldn’t hurt, right?

Remus thought she was being stupid. Lily was sure she was.

_Because the trick isn’t not caring. The trick is moving on._

Easier said than done. Not that anyone knew, of course; this is Lily Evans we’re talking about. Lily Evans was perfect. Lily Evans never missed a day of class, never made a mistake, never stopped smiling. Lily Evans was a prefect, handled all of her responsibilities, was on top of it all–

–Lily Evans was so profoundly broken that it hurt to think about it. 

The only time she ever mentioned it was to Remus Lupin, her fellow prefect, during rounds. Every night she’d finally say it: how numb she was, her lack of motivation, how each smile was getting harder and harder to force out.

“I think you might be my only friend, Remus.”

Lily Evans was fighting alone. 

Or, at least she thought she was, until reality smacked her in the face. It started with the little things. Sirius would bring up one too many snacks or drinks from the kitchens, and leave it on the table next to her. Peter would ask for company when sneaking to Hogsmeade, so Lily could get chocolate with him. And Remus, already an unending source of support, continued to be her shoulder to lean on.

Potter was different. He never once said a word to her, never even really made eye contact. But he’d tuck her in on the couch when she fell asleep doing homework, he’d finish any homework that she didn’t when she’d pass out from exhaustion, and anyone who said anything about her would end up in the hospital wing not an hour later.

Not that Lily really _knew_ any of this. She strongly suspected, but she never knew. 

It started with all the little things, but it really hit her one evening after a particularly brutal Advanced Arithmancy lesson, when she swung open the portrait door, exhausted, and heard “Oi Evans, you look absolutely knackered. Get over here!” 

Sirius, of course. The wanker. But she heard _them_ , as a collective, and felt her body subconsciously relax and a smile emerge on her face unbidden. And _that’s_ when she knew. 

She’d become friends with the Marauders... 

...And it was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Remus!” 

Lily Evans was _late._ Not for the train, she could never be that irresponsible. But she was running behind her self-imposed schedule to make her first Heads meeting of the year. Her Head Girl badge gleamed against her chest, and she couldn’t help but walk proudly (though very swiftly, because she was indeed late).

She was making a beeline towards Remus, who was her personal hope for Head Boy; he hadn’t said anything about it all summer, but she was hoping he was just keeping it a surprise. Before she could reach him, she heard a loudly bellowed “EVANS!” and that was all the warning she got before Sirius Black was sweeping her up in the massive bear-hug.

Lily remembered quite vividly Remus’s general astonishment that Sirius and Lily got on like a house on fire. But Sirius and Lily shared their childhood trauma of never quite fitting in at home, and the pain of losing a sibling you care for. Not to mention, Lily had a cunning side which Sirius worked hard to bring out.

Sirius relied on touch; he liked hugs, cuddling, any form of physical affection after a bad night. Lily remembered when she had walked into the common room after a late night patrol, and she’d found Sirius curled up into James, his sobs muffled against James’s jumper. That was the night Walburga had forbidden him from talking to Regulus at school. 

“Sirius, I missed you! I also miss breathing, so I’d quite like that ability back if it’s all the same to you.” Lily complained (though lightly) while squeezing Sirius back.

“Ah, breathing’s overrated anyways.” Sirius commented as he released her, moving backwards to sling an arm around Remus (who’d wandered over to them). “So Evans, you’re going to go easy on us as Head Girl right? Who’d have thought the Marauders would have not one but both student authority figures at school in their pockets?

“ _Au contraire_ , Black, neither Remus nor I are planning to go easy on you. We never have; we never will.” 

Sirius and Remus stared at Lily with confused and slightly nervous expressions. Then, Remus slammed a hand onto his thigh with startling force.

“That bloody _wanker_! He promised that he’d send her a letter before now!”

“What in Agrippa’s name are the both of you going on about?” Lily exclaimed.

“Remus isn’t Head Boy, Evans.” Sirius stated. That was all the warning she received before she caught sight of Potter striding towards their group, dragging his chest behind him. The Head Boy badge she’d been looking for was pinned to his chest, shining brightly.

Lily’s brain shut down.

“I think we broke her, Moony.”

_How was she supposed to feel about this?_

Potter kept walking, though his confident stride faltered and a certain level of uncertainty appeared on his face as he caught sight of Lily.

“Hey, Evans. I’m Head Boy.” James finally said, nerves clear in his voice.

Lily snorted loudly, her brain booting back up.

“No shit, James.” she chuckled, gesturing at his badge.

The three boys stared at her with identical looks of astonishment.

Peter, having just found them, offered her a chocolate frog that she graciously accepted.

“Come on, James. We’re gonna be late to our first meeting. I can’t set that kind of precedent.” 

Lily climbed into the nearest train carriage, levitating her chest to follow her. Only once she had entered a compartment did she freeze, the past events catching up to her.

_Did I just call Potter ‘James’?_

Meanwhile, on platform 9 ¾, James turned to Remus and Sirius, his hazel eyes wide in surprise and barely contained hope.

“Did she just call me _James_?”

Sirius broke out into laughter. “Mate, this year is going to be interesting.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, you have to realize,” Lily began, hanging upside down from an armchair in front of the fire, snacking on some treacle tart that Sirius had snuck up to the Gryffindor common room after dinner that day.

“I really thought he was going to absolutely _shit_ at it.” 

Sirius barked a laugh from where he was lying crosswise on Remus’s lap. “You’re telling me he’s not shit at it?”

“I mean the paperwork and scheduling, absolutely disastrous. But as a leader of people…”

Remus and Sirius just stared at her.

“He’s not half bad okay?”

Remus and Sirius continued to stare at her, but Sirius sat up to be able to stare more incredulously at her. Lily squirmed under their combined gaze.

“I mean, he’s Quidditch captain,” Remus finally said.

“Yeah, but that’s Quidditch. God knows we all knew he was good at that,” Lily responded.

“So, he’s not that bad. Is that a problem?” Sirius inquired sneakily.

“Yeah, because him being good at this entire affair is making it difficult to hold a grudge,” Lily admitted.

“So, you’re getting over your grudge?” Remus asked, shocked.

“Yes and it _sucks_. Keep up,” Lily shot back. Sirius threw a blueberry at her and she yelped, forcing the three to dissolve into laughter as the topic was abandoned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patrols were usually Lily’s least favorite part of the job.

It was just boring, and when she had Remus to keep her company it was _okay,_ but she would prefer it if she could just skip it altogether. However, due to the presence of troublemakers (*cough* Sirius *cough*) who would just _love_ to wreak havoc in the evening, Lily understood how important her rounds were.

Still, she’s never wished for her rounds to be _longer_. But James Potter seemed to be turning everything she thought she knew on its head.

The boy was charismatic; that she always knew. But that boyishness, the animated quality with which he spoke, the earnestness with which he tried to make her smile; these were all things she was never expecting.

“You alright, Evans? You’re spacing again.”

Lily shook herself out of her daze, before rolling her eyes at him. 

“I’m just fine, James. Just yearning for some peace and quiet, as always.”

James cocked his head to the side, his signature smirk already in place.

“Sure, Evans. Like I haven’t made you laugh 12 times in the past 40 minutes.”

“Stop keeping count, weirdo,” she said with a small chuckle.

“Make that 13.”

“Okay, that absolutely does not count as a _laugh_ , you git.”

“Uh, Lily? I’m a Marauder. I’ve been making most of this school’s population laugh for years now. I think I’m a good authority on what is and isn’t a laugh.”

“Who did think up those names? They’re really bloody stupid,” Lily remarked, unable to keep her amusement off her face.

“Oi, watch it! I came up with ‘Marauders’. If you think that’s bad, you do not want to know what Sirius wanted. Gives me nightmares just considering it.”

“Drama queen.”

“You better believe it, Evans.”

Lily couldn’t help but smile at him, and felt an odd sense of relief when he smiled back.

“And this is your stop, Miss Evans,” James announced, mockingly bowing while gesturing to the portrait hole in front of their Heads Common Room.

“What about you?” Lily asked before she could stop herself.

“I got some things to do with them lot. And either way, ladies first, Miss Lily.”

“Oh gosh, you’re terrible,” Lily remarked with her grin apparently permanently affixed to her face. James simply winked at her, before ushering her through the opening to their private rooms, and leaving in the opposite directions.

Lily stood just in front of their fireplace for a second, hand raised to brush at her cheeks. Her face _hurt_ ; that’s how wide she’d been smiling. 

Best not to overthink it. She made up her mind to simply count her blessings that she had made friends with those boys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She realizes it on a sleepy Wednesday, at 1 AM in the morning.

The two of them had been absolutely swamped that week; it felt like a year since the week had begun and they were really only two days in. Neither of them could keep their eyes open, as the crackling of the fireplace and the warm mugs of cocoa near them slowly ushered them into a land of dreams.

The only problem with that was the foot and a half that Lily still had to write about the modifications that could be made to the Shield Charm to evade more readily against specific hexes, and the 4 diagrams of augureys James had to label for Care of Magical Creatures. 

“‘Should have dropped this bloody class,” James yawned as he scribbled some random descriptions down. 

“Normally I’d disagree with you, but I’m fully ready to drop-kick Flitwick off the Astronomy Tower.”

James snorted, wiggling his eyebrows in his unique way before inevitably beginning to mock her turn to the dark side in terms of academic integrity and responsibility.

“Oh, shut it Potter, I’ve got work to do.”

“Well, _Evans._ We can’t all be perfect like you.”

The statement was said with no bite, oozing only learned fondness. Lily felt her breath hitch, and her cheeks warm. James had been running his mouth like that for _years_ ; why was it affecting her like this now?

Now, she realized, she wanted it to be true. She wanted him to think she was perfect. 

And isn’t that just a can of worms just waiting to be opened. 

Lily’s head was spinning. Where had that thought come from? She mentally berated herself, before she realized that James was giving her a weird look.

“Okay, Lil. You’re getting all weird and spacey on me, I think it’s time to go to bed.”

“Five more minutes, James. I’ll get it finished by then,” she murmured absently, still stuck on the fact that _she wanted James to think she was perfect._

What the fuck did that mean?

“Lily. Stop thinking.”

Lily felt her thought process screech to a halt, when she realized that her throat had closed up in panic. She was breathing faster too, her eyes burning and she hurried to blink the tears away. James had his eyes narrowed at her, concern painted over his features plainly.

“I-I’m sorry.”

James cocked his head to one side with practiced ease, before leaning over and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Don’t apologize,” he murmured, so close to her ear that she shivered. 

“But if there ever comes a time when you know you’re in too deep, you come to me. And I’ll be there. Understood?”

Lily nodded mutely, and watched James gather both their things and usher her toward her room. 

She stood at the bottom of the stairs, and watched him climb to his side of the dorms. Just as he reached his door, he looked back at her, giving her a reassuring smile and a wink before calling out “Sleep well, Lil!” and shutting the door.

“Shit, I have a crush on him,” Lily whispered to herself. But now, she was both too tired and too anxious to think about it, so she put it off for another day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So then of course, Avery and Mulciber walked in and I had absolutely nowhere to hide-”

“Uh-huh.”

“So I shrunk down and hid in Snivellus’s panties.” 

“That’s great.”

“EVANS!”

Lily startled out of her previous daze, and flinched a little at the loud volume.

“What is up with you?” Remus questioned amusedly, ignoring the quiet ‘hmph’s from Sirius’s general direction resulting from being ignored.

“I don’t know, just got a million things on my mind I guess,” Lily responded, running a hand through her hair and trying to refocus on the textbook she had open in her lap. Remus ran a hand through Sirius’s hair (who had collapsed horizontally onto Remus’s lap at some point) before returning to his own book. 

“Padfoot! Got some letters from Mum and Dad!” 

James’s call was not out of place in the slightest; he’d been doing it every lazy Sunday morning for as long as Lily had known him (or at least after Sirius had moved in with his family). Ordinarily, her superpower was ignoring him. But today, her eyes flicked upward of their own accord. She looked him up and down before she felt her cheeks warm involuntarily and she all but shoved her face back into her textbook. She bit her lip just slightly, hoping no one was particularly looking at her right now.

She peeked up to see Sirius staring at her, confusion evident in his expression. Her eyes widened in fear, just as his widened in comprehension. 

“YOU!” 

“SIRIUS CAN I TALK TO YOU IN THE OTHER ROOM!?”

“YOU! AND-AND HIM!”

“IT’S VERY IMPORTANT–I MUST TALK TO YOU IMMEDIATELY ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS!”

Lily wrenched Sirius up from Remus’s lap and dragged him out of the portrait hole, her spectacular blush settled securely across her cheeks. 

The three remaining boys-that is, Remus, James and Peter-watched the two interact, perplexed.

“Did anyone else understand what just happened?” James asked, his head cocked to one side like a puppy.

“I sincerely doubt it has anything to do with you,” Remus responded dryly.

“Pull your punches once in a while, Moony.”

“I’ll do whatever suits me just fine, Prongs.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And so the incident came and went. Lily was able to reasonably convince Sirius that anything she felt for James was at best fleeting, and had extracted his promised silence after skilled persuasion (she threatened to circulate a picture of him from his worst hair day). 

Then she went on to portray her best business-as-usual Lily.

BAU Lily was fucking idiot and she seriously wanted to kill herself if Amos Diggory didn’t _stop talking at some point soon._

“And you see, that’s why I truly believe that Quidditch is the superior sport compared to muggle sports, and Gryffindor (while Potter’s running a tight ship) is absolutely not close to being a superior team at this school-”

Lily felt herself zoning out again and knocked lightly against the wooden counter of Madam Rosmerta’s bar, signalling another butterbeer. Those things would absolutely not get you drunk (Lily had tried) but they kept you feeling warm and fuzzy inside, which was something she needed to deal with this brickhead.

That wasn’t fair to Amos, but Lily wasn’t necessarily feeling too charitable at this point. 

She took a long drink out of her mug, willing the butterbeer to work as quickly as possible in lulling her into better emotions. Amos kept talking, nothing he was saying truly registering with Lily anymore. She felt the urge to do what she’d been avoiding throughout her date, her eyes yearning to flick just slightly to the right-

Lily was just torturing herself. She tried to bottle up her sigh, and took a deep breath instead, her eyes falling shut. Maybe once she opened her eyes again, Amos just wouldn’t be there. She snorted mentally, because that would take an actual miracle. 

She opened her eyes back up again to see Sirius Black standing right in front of her.

“Amos, mate? Peter got himself stuck ah, somewhere and we absolutely need Lily because she’s the best we’ve got. Hope you don’t mind.”

“What?” Amos asked, clearly confused. Meanwhile, Lily had already hopped off her barstool, dropped a handful of galleons down on the counter, and said her farewell to Amos.

Sirius and Lily leaned against the stone wall just opposite Madam Rosmerta’s, Lily finally relaxing for the first time since she’d stepped foot in Hogsmeade that day.

“How’d you know?”

“Oh please. You were projecting a distress signal to everyone within a 20-foot radius. The real question is were you going to kill yourself first, or him?”

“Myself. Definitely myself.”

Sirius broke out laughing, and soon Lily was laughing too, any tension that remained in her dissipating. 

“Why’d you go out with that bugger anyway?” Sirius asked, clearly unsure of where he stood on asking Lily questions about guys.

“You can ask, Sirius. I don’t really mind. And uh, I don’t really know. Guess I was just bored.” 

The answer would have been convincing enough, had her eyes not betrayed her by wistfully glancing through the front window of the Three Broomsticks where James sat across from his date. 

Sirius was quiet for a few moments, and Lily assumed he was mourning her loss of sanity just as she was.

“Evans, sometimes I wonder how the smartest person I know can be this _daft._ ”

Lily whirled around to look at him incredulously.

“He’s _tutoring_ , stupid.”

“She’s _flirting_ , wanker.”

“Is he flirting back?” Sirius asked earnestly.

“I’d be the last person who knows what that looks like.”

“No, Lil. You’re the only person who really knows what that looks like.”

Lily’s face flushed, even as she developed a lump in her throat.

“I don’t need hope like that, Black,” she tried to assert, her voice betraying her with its tremble.

“Not so ‘fleeting’ after all, huh Evans?” Sirius responded, his voice only getting more stern. 

Lily looked down, toeing at the ground to avoid responding.

“Before you discount him completely, Evans, just one more thing I think you should know,” Sirius began, his voice unexpectedly soft.

“ _Who do you think asked me to come rescue you from Diggory?_ ”

Lily’s head snapped up, only to see Sirius’s retreating back. 

“Don’t you dare give up on my best mate, Evans,” he called over his shoulder.

Lily was left a much different person than she was fifteen minutes ago. On one hand, she had much more information. On the other hand, she was colder.

So she began her trek back up to Hogwarts, realizing she had a lot to think about. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Though her previous conversation with Sirius had given Lily quite a bit to consider, Lily had finally reconciled with herself that she should get over her silly crush on James. 

It was sapping her energy and resources, simply was not cost-efficient, and she really did not subscribe to feelings beating her around the head anytime they chose to.

And she would have gotten over her crush handily if not for one significant thing.

Quidditch season.

Because nothing ( _nothing_ ) compared to watching James Potter fly. 

And that’s why Lily Evans was part of the massive crowd currently meandering towards the Quidditch stands to watch the first match of the season: Gryffindor v. Ravenclaw. Lily would have gone anyways; she was a Gryffindor and it was a Gryffindor match, but this was just a nice side benefit. 

She, Remus, and Peter had on all the Gryffindor gear they could fit on their body, and were on their way to support the two people missing from their motley crew. 

By the time they got situated in the stands, the two teams were flying warm-up laps around the pitch. Lily’s heart sped up every time James got close, and she was ready to rid her body of the organ for its betrayal. But she was safe here; there were several thousand people in the stands, which meant she could stare at James for as long as she wanted without him noticing. 

Because nothing ( _nothing_ ) compared to watching James Potter fly. 

She watched the lean curve of his spine as he leaned forward on his broom, the way he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose when they got slightly dislodged, the way his hands (clad in leather gloves) gripped the broom, the way he was heading right for the three of them-

Her eyes widened when she realized he was flying directly towards her, and her mind scrambled for anything that wasn’t a cry for help.

“Wanna wish me luck, Evans?”

“Good luck, Potter,” she mustered up as casually as possible, though for some reason she felt herself relaxing. Thousands of people were watching, and James was floating not a foot and a half away, but she felt herself relaxing. Odd.

“Ouch, back to surnames?”

“You started it, Potter. I just finished it,” she retorted, because she was Lily Evans and she gave as good as she got.

“Well, you see _Lily_ , I think that was foul play.”

Lily just hummed, watching a smirk melt itself onto James’s face.

“I think you might owe me for that now.”

“Oh, don’t push your luck now _James_.”

“On the contrary, Lil, I think I’m overwhelmed with good fortune right now.”

Lily felt James’s words, felt his shaky exhale, and that’s when she realized the two had been steadily getting closer during their exchange. There was barely a couple inches between them now, and the stands surrounding them had gone completely silent. She registered that all in the background of her mind, because what she was focused on was the curve of James’s lips, the dimple in his left cheek, and the way she really, _really_ wanted to fist her hand in his robes and snog him in front of the entire school. 

“Oy, Gryffindor Captain!”

Sirius’s shout pushed Lily out of her reverie, and she took a step backward before choosing just to smile pleasantly at James, her entire body shaky from sheer _desire_. 

“Wanna get over here and do some ‘captaining’?” 

James turned and flew back to the team, but not before winking at Lily and nodding mock-seriously at his other two friends. Lily let out a shaky exhale, before she realized Remus and Peter were quite clearly staring at her. 

“How long have you been arse-over-teakettle for our mate, Lily?” Remus asked, all seriousness.

Lily groaned, and stuffed her face into her hands. There was no way anyone expected her to pay attention to the match after what had just happened.

She still managed to catch a few quick glances of James though. 

Gryffindor won easily, 270-80. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gryffindor wins, of course, are not celebrated quietly (no matter how much Remus has previously wished for it). Lily knew that if Gryffindor won there would be a party, but she also knew that if tonight was a night for silent reflection, well, that’s what the Heads private rooms were for.

What she wasn’t counting on was being dragged to the party by Remus and Peter, who after hearing her story decided she needed to get properly _sloshed_.

Not that she particularly wanted a night of silent reflection, not after she watched James emerge from the locker rooms, hair still damp from his shower, smelling of sandalwood and something fresh and clean she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Not after he’d looked at her like _that_ , and quietly told her she should come to the party and that he really wanted her there.

Who was she to say no to that?

And that brought her to where she was right this second, standing on a table, _gone with the wind_ , completely drunk off her ass and dancing with Sirius Black. On a table. In front of everyone. 

Not that she much cared; Sirius was always a brilliant dancer and after he noticed her downing shot after shot of firewhiskey he figured she needed a friend. She countered that physical exercise was good for the soul, and then someone hoisted her up on a table and well-

-that was that. Sirius was being perfectly respectful, something she never really expected and she dimly thought she should write him a thank you note in the morning.

“Evans, you’re going to be ridiculously hungover in the morning. You’ll barely be able to move, forget drafting some sort of appreciation memo. Also Lil, I may be ridiculously attractive and you may be like 50% pretty, but you’re like my sister and that’s just weird.”

So maybe she wasn’t doing such a great job at regulating what she was thinking and what she was saying. She was just getting around to the realization that she should be offended, but the moment had already passed.

“Plus,” Sirius began, wiggling his eyebrows, “we all know there’s exactly one Marauder who you want putting his hands all over you, and it’s not me, Moony or Wormtail, so-”

“I need a drink,” Lily interrupted, not deigning to respond to his accusation. She intended to hop off of the table, but rather probably collapsed off of it somehow onto her legs with a large _thump_. It didn’t particularly matter because the music was so loud, it was impacting her ability to see. 

She waved down Frank Longbottom, who was carrying a crate of Firewhiskey bottles. He seemed concerned, but let her grab one after making eye contact with Remus, who gave him the affirmative.

“Lily, are you okay?” a male voice asked, far too close to her ear.

“Not particularly, but I think if I mainline firewhiskey into my veins I can get over the fact that I’m in love.” She wrenched the bottle open, taking a large swig and letting the liquid burn down her throat. The burn felt good; the burn centered her. Then the whiskey kicked in, and she couldn’t remember her own name, much less who was just talking to her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mornings after blowout parties were quiet and lazy. People moved gingerly, spoke in hushed tones, because almost half of Gryffindor tower was nursing a wicked hangover. Contrary to popular belief, the bulk of cleanup was done by the Marauders, usually aided by Lily but alas she was still out cold.

James quietly picked up the trash surrounding Lily where she lay dozing in an armchair. Her sleeping face was peaceful as she let out quiet puffs of air in every exhale. James brushed his knuckles against her cheek gingerly, revelling in the softness of her skin.

_“I think if I mainline firewhiskey into my veins I can get over the fact that I’m in love.”_

Lily Evans was in love with someone, and it wasn’t him. James had been holding onto tiny wisps of hope, growing in abundance every time Lily blushed when he looked at her, every time he felt her staring at him across the room. 

But Lily Evans was in love with someone, and it sure as hell wasn’t him. 

“Padfoot?” James called, uncharacteristically soft. Sirius raised his head in acknowledgement.

“Who was Lily with on her date, last Hogsmeade visit?”

“Diggory, I think. From Hufflepuff.”

“Did she seem angry or disappointed when you interrupted? She seemed uncomfortable during the actual date but by the time you walked off Lily looked like she was about to cry.”

Sirius squirmed, looking more uncomfortable than James had ever seen him. 

“She was something, Prongs.”

“She’s in love, Padfoot.”

Sirius let out a long exhale, the tension in his shoulders dissipating. 

“Oh, you know. Thank Merlin. Did she finally tell you?”

“So, she is? How long have you known?!” James pounced, eyes narrowed. 

“Look, James. I can’t say anything about this. You know Lil, she’ll eat me alive.”

James scrubbed at his face, trying to keep the tears from etching tracks down his face.

“It’s okay, Sirius. I know enough now.” James turned on his heel and left the common room, leaving an incredibly confused Sirius behind. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I think that we need to add another quarter-turn of the wrist,” Lily theorized as she, Remus, Sirius, and Peter attempted their transfiguration homework in front of the fire. 

“Ohoho, look at Evans going off-script. The book says nothing about that,” Sirius commented snidely, receiving several jellybeans to the face for the comment. 

“Well, Pads, Lily and I know when to follow the instructions to the letter and when to experiment a little. That’s why we’re such good students, a concept you have little to no familiarity with,” Remus countered.

“Unfortunately, none of you will ever be Minnie’s favorite,” Sirius sighed, looking off into the distance. “That is an honor reserved for me, myself, and I.”

Peter snorted loudly, before calling Sirius out. “We all know that you’re full of shit, Sirius. McGonagall has one favorite and it’s James.”

“What about me?” James asked, strolling into the Heads Common Room. 

“Nothing important, Prongs. Did you get the spell from this morning?” Sirius asked.

“Oh yeah. You need to add a half-turn of the wrist. Quarter gets you close, but half gets you perfect.”

Remus and Lily locked eyes and groaned. “We were so close!” they complained in unison. 

“Oh, by the way, James. We need to handle patrol schedules. That, and we seriously need to talk about the next Hogsmeade date,” Lily mentioned offhandedly. When James didn’t respond, she turned to look at him.

James had his entire body angled away from her, and even when he opened his mouth to speak, he looked nowhere near her.

“Fine, Evans.”

The two words were uttered coldly, distantly. No clear malice or anger, but just _indifference_. Lily gasped imperceptibly, and her entire body stiffened. James turned around and walked up to his dorms, ignoring all four of them.

Remus and Sirius watched him walk away, trying their best to understand what was going through their friend’s mind.

“He’s probably just having a bad day, Lil. You know him.”

Lily exhaled shakily, before swallowing convulsively. 

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right. Let’s try it again, with a half-turn.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They’d all been sure that everything would go back to normal. Lily had been hoping, had been praying that everything would go back to normal. 

Nothing went back to normal.

If it was possible, James only became more distant as the days passed. He avoided her religiously, the two only really seeing each other when James returned to the Heads Common Room (incredibly late) and walked straight up to his dorm, ignoring Lily all the while. 

Then he started waking up earlier for breakfast, so he wouldn’t have to sit next to the four of them; he began skipping dinner, grabbing a snack from the kitchens much later. 

“Is there a possibility he’s mad at one of you?” Lily asked quietly, eyes downcast. The four of them were far quieter these days, their environment missing an integral piece. 

Sirius and Remus looked at her, eyes full of sadness. Lily looked down again, eyes welling up with tears.

How could the boy she was in love with hate her so?

Later, during her patrols with Remus, she let herself break down.

“It’s happening again, exactly what happened with Severus; except it’s so much worse because I love him.”

Her voice was wobbly, and her eyes were framed by wet teartracks. She hiccupped desolately, even as Remus wrapped his arms around her and apologized over and over again. 

But because she was Lily Evans, her sadness was soon replaced.

By anger.

Because she was Lily Evans, and he was James Potter, and _how dare he?_

And that was why she turned down both Remus and Sirius in their offers to talk to him (or beat him upside the head, as Sirius had mentioned) and chose to confront him herself. 

Because she was Lily Evans (thoroughly devastated, head-over-heels in love) and she gave as good as she got. 

And now she lay in wait, a predator stalking her prey because she’d been pushed to the ground but now it was time to get up off of the dirt. 

She sat up, far later than she normally would, waiting for James. She felt herself doze off a couple of times, but jolted herself awake with sheer adrenaline. Tonight, she’d either return things to normal or kill her feelings for James trying. 

She really hoped for the former, but seeing how far James went out of his way to avoid her, she began to suspect the latter was far more probable. 

She was in a little bit of a daze when she heard the portrait hole open and James climb through. He was clearly expecting her to be asleep, because his mask slipped and he acknowledged her in shock. “You’re up, Li- _Evans_.”

Then he seemed to remember himself, and brushed her off before marching towards the stairs. 

“James! Can you just stop for one moment and _listen_?” Lily beseeched, trailing after him. 

“Look, _Evans_. You need to respect my boundaries.”

“I’m trying but I just don’t understand-”

“I don’t fucking need you to understand,” James growled, turning to glare at her.

“Well, I need to understand. So tell me.”

“There’s nothing to tell, Lily. Just get out of my face and give me _space_.”

“One day we’re bantering at the Quidditch match and the next day you won’t even look at me!” Lily yelled, rising up on her toes to spit the words into his face.

“I’m doing what’s best for you and for me, Evans!” James roared, leaning down to speak into her face as well. 

“I don’t need you thinking you’re protecting me, _Potter._ I can take perfectly good care of myself on my own.”

“Oh, _Potter_ , is it? Well you never fucking needed me to begin with! I’m glad we’re back to surnames because if I ever hear you say my name again, I’ll fucking lose it _Evans_.”

Lily gasped like she’d had the breath knocked out of her.

“You fucking arse, you think you can just waltz right out of my life when it becomes inconvenient for _you_?”

“ _You don’t want me in your life_!”

 _"Not anymore!_ ”

“ _Fine!"_

“ _You’re the most infuriating bloody-"_

Lily’s mind must have short-circuited when she was yelling that. That was the only explanation for her slamming James against the wall behind them, leaning up and sealing her lips against his. 

That excuse, however, flew out the window when Lily felt her brain actually short-circuit when James began moving his lips against hers. It took him little to no time to reverse their positions, push Lily up against the stone wall, and kiss the hell out of her. 

Then, Lily was lost. Lost to the conflicting feeling of heat on her lips, heat in the kisses James peppered down her jaw and neck, and the cold stone wall behind her. The smoothness of James’ lips and his calloused hands that ran over every bit of skin they could reach. Lily ran her hands through his messy dark locks, scratching lightly at the short hairs at the base of his neck before kissing him again. James pressed her back into the wall further, and her head spun. Her hands stroked over his arms, down to his hands where she threaded them through his fingers, before running them back up to his shoulders. James, on the other hand, had apparently gotten tired of leaning down as much as he was, and smoothed his hands down to the back of her thighs and lifted her up with ease. 

Lily was floating, suspended in the air between James and the wall, her legs locked around his waist as James kissed and kissed and kissed her, not giving any indication of stopping soon. He nipped at her lips, drawing an involuntary whimper from her, before soothing the spot with a soft press of his tongue.

“J-James…” Lily barely got his name out before his hands were cradling her head and he was kissing her with renewed purpose. Deeply, meaningfully, slowly. 

“James,” she said more insistently, trying to signal that she was running short on air.

“Don’t say anything,” James begged quietly, running his lips over her clavicle, leaving butterfly kisses in his wake. “Just give me another minute and I can die a happy man and you can go back to loving Diggory and I can go back to loving you from afar.”

“Okay,” Lily breathed softly, distracted by the feel of James kissing below her right earlobe. Then her brain caught up to what he said.

“Wait, what? James, James.”

“Mph.”

“Stop. Seriously, stop. What did you just say?”

James backed away, setting Lily down on her feet carefully. 

They both looked positively _debauched_ ; red, swollen lips, hair completely messy, robes askew. Lily decided that this was the only version of James she preferred seeing over Quidditch James. 

The two spoke at the same time:

“You love me from afar?”

“You’re in love with Diggory.”

The two stared at each other, over four inches of space between them (a record for the past ten minutes). James spoke first.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course I love you, Lil. Never a question about it.”

There was the answer she wasn’t allowing herself to hope for, in all of it’s 13-word glory. Lily could feel her heart soar, felt months and months of weight fall from her shoulders. Floating was a terrific feeling, both physically and metaphorically, and she’d come to associate both feelings with James. 

Lily raised one trembling hand to her face, suddenly slightly dizzy from the emotional rollercoaster she’d been through. But she was blushing and grinning, the overwhelming feeling of joy overtaking the fear, anxiety and desire of the past while. 

Lily tried to refocus on the matter at hand, finally realizing what James had said _before_ his impromptu confession of love. Her hand dropped from her face, looking up to see James looking away from her, clearly nervous for what he viewed as her imminent rejection. 

Lily steeled herself for what she now had to do; for what was joy if she couldn’t share it with the person she loved?

“I don’t know where you got the daft idea that I’m in love with Diggory, but I _am_ in love.”

James stiffened slightly, but before he could feel truly desolate, Lily continued.

“I could not tell you why and because of your stupidity, I wish I could reconsider but I’m irrevocably in love with you, you daft moron.”

Then James was smiling, a blinding, incandescent sort of smile that lit her up from the inside out. He reached out to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, before smoothly cupping her face in his hands.

Large hands, slightly rough with faint callouses. _Quidditch_ , Lily thought giddily. 

For now, she never had to hide her staring at Quidditch matches; after all the boy was hers. No more quiet pining from afar, sympathetic looks from Sirius, Remus and Peter. No more hiding her blush in her hands or walking as far away from James as possible.

For now, the love of her life was truly _hers_. 

“Go out with me, Lily?”

Lily leaned up to kiss him again, in lieu of response. Rather than deepening as it had before, it was a chaste press of lips that made them both smile. 

For Lily and James had fallen in love. And found themselves in each other. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, when the two descended the staircase to the Great Hall holding hands, completely radiant and wrapped up in each other, Sirius Black became considerably richer.

And considerably happier too. His best friends were in love. He was undeniably supportive and loving-

-and reminded both of them what a wonderful best man and godfather he’d make so many times that both Lily and James hexed him.

**Author's Note:**

> ok but was that kiss scene as awkward as I think it is cos I feel like it came off super awkward idk.
> 
> FRIENDS reference! yayyyyy
> 
> also writing jily is one of my favorite things to do. it's relaxing, and let's me experiment with styles. lmk if there's anything any of you want to see.


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